Thursday, July 28, 2011

A Wilderness Without Words

I seem to be at a lost for inspiration.  To quote George Orwell, I feel smothered under drudgery. All I seem to be able to write about lately is I went here, I ate this. And though I deeply appreciate the 1,2,3 . .  (counting on my fingers). . . .7 people that I know read this little blog with any kind of regularity,  I know that my eating habits are not keeping you up at night tingling with delight and suspense.


Every morning in between two specific stops on the Red Line, I have to consciously silence a part of myself, the wild barefoot girl with the tambourine and flowers in her hair, just to make it through a day of a job that I am too stubborn to quit. I keep telling myself and everyone around me, sometimes through gritted teeth and eyes heavy with tears,  that I need to see this project through, I’m in too deep, I need to finish, I cannot fail another thing in my life.


Stories used to fill my head and words used to come so easily to me,  a coping mechanism that grew from a lonely childhood. But now they seem so faraway that it scares me sometimes that I won’t ever be able to summon them back.  Maybe I took them too much for granted.


So tonight as I sit here starting at the computer screen feeling creatively drained and  inspired only by my disdain of people who talk on their cellulars at the gym, while working out at the gym, I start to think more about this so called thing called inspiration, the stimulation of the human mind.  Like many things in life I wish that it would just descend on me, like manna from heaven, as if I was anointed or chosen. 

But when has that ever happened?


Maybe I need to look for it, seek and scratch and claw for it.  I need to tempt golden words and brave stories to come out of their hiding places. What this exactly entails I don’t know, but scribbled on scrape piece of paper, the following  spontaneous list was composed:



I also have to tell myself, until I believe it, that perfection and failure are not the only two measurements of life.


What inspires you? How do you find inspiration? What reminds your heart that you are real? 

2 comments :

  1. I think lots of different things inspire people so what inspires me might be very different from others. But it inspires me to be more and learn more when I see my clients making progress toward their goals. I see how much their life is changing and how more peace and calm comes into their life. I seek to make sure I can bring that to them.

    I am inspired when I get to have hard discussions with people when we don't have the same perspectives or ideas about things. It reminds me that everyone has different experiences in life and I don't have the corner marketed on what is normal/right.

    I get inspired by good blogs that talk about fresh and whole food preparation. It inspires me to live my life more simply and to seek to create new experiences and talents in food. It makes me want to make my own butter and cheese. It makes me want to grow my own veggies. It makes me want to smoke my own bacon. Just for the experience of it and to know that I can do it.

    Having people tell me that they felt lost and alone before they found the mid-singles group but now feel connected and wanted inspires me to keep doing what I do with the mid-singles. It keeps me going in putting myself out there in a leadership role with people I don't know with the hope that someone will be changed because of it. It seems easy to many people but its not.

    And it makes me grateful that I have these experiences in my life to keep me going through all the tough times of life.

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  2. Jen, thank you so much for your comments, you gave me a lot to think about.

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